“War of the God Monsters” Review

What do you get when you bring together South Korean actors with kaiju footage from classic Ultraman shows? You get 1985’s War of the God Monsters.

A reporter sets out looking for the scientist who warned the world that, due to climate change, dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures would, once again, arrive and rule the Earth. The scientist is proven correct when the dinosaurs do show up and all hell breaks loose. But the might of the South Korean military, ultimately, wins the day.

Unequivocally, “War of the God Monsters” is one of those monster films that steals some of the finest kaiju footage from Japanese productions and inserts their own actors and crummy storyline into the mix. It’s an exercise in, most likely, thievery and laziness in the highest order.

Footage of kaiju from classic Ultraman shows is edited around shots of other footage from those same programs (including several obvious shots of the Science Patrol jet) to make seem as if the military is the one that triumphs. Instead, much of these shots are confusing and ambiguous. Some of the kaiju simply seem to disappear all together without any definitive shot that they’ve been killed. One shot replaces a more ornamental kaiju, of the same species, with the less awe-inspiring one of the species. It’s a confused, jumbled, incoherent mess that isn’t really that satisfying–especially if you’re familiar enough with the Ultraman shows to know exactly what you’re watching.

All of the kaiju–excuse me–“dinosaur” roars have been replaced with the filmmakers’ own blend of calls. No joke, one kaiju has a call that is that of a ship you’d hear coming into harbor. The kaiju, Pestar, has the silliest, most laughable call of the bunch; sounding like a constipated whale so desperately trying to pass a bowel movement. I couldn’t help but to laugh every time it’s cry was heard. Even my six-year old son laughed at it.

I will say, though, despite all the bad and ugly within this movie, the acting, by and large, is done fairly well. Parts of the story, however, will pull the actors back into a mode that makes them look ridiculous and untalented, but I put the blame on the script and director for those moments. There are moments of genuine emotions, especially sorrow that comes up frequently throughout. I found myself sympathizing with the daughter every time she wept about talking about her mom being dead and never returning. As a father, I even sympathized with Dr. Kim when he expresses shear terror at believing his daughter may have been killed in a hospital that got leveled by one of the kaiju. I also could sense his understandable anger at his fellow colleagues, and the world at-large, for not believing him when he warned them of an incoming apocalypse.

The story is nothing spectacular. It’s a run-of-the-mill B-movie story that has large numbers of plot holes and has avenues of the story that go without any conclusion. I wasn’t expecting anything remotely good here, but I was hoping for an iota of occasional competence.

There are no character arcs. Dr. Kim isn’t redeemed by his colleagues after the kaiju apocalypse, Kang Ok-hi, the reporter, has really nothing to do other than to look over Dr. Kim’s daughter. That same daughter even asks her father to propose to Ok-hi and we get nothing at the end. Not even a hint that a proposal is coming.

Kaiju action doesn’t begin until halfway through and that comes in the form of a dream sequence. In fact, the kaiju action isn’t wholly entertaining even though it comes from Ultraman programs. I believe part of the problem was the severe amount of editing the filmmakers had to do so Ultraman wouldn’t make it into the shots and what was left was incoherent and subpar.

The military saving the day isn’t all that exciting either. A lot of the shots are recycled repeatedly and none of those moments have the entertainment level, nor gravitas, that makes so many of those kaiju movies fun and exciting. It’s a “bullets and missiles save the day” conclusion without any real excitement. I would’ve thought they’d film some scenes of Dr. Kim coming up with some clever solution to either defeat, or subdue, the kaiju. Instead, he, like every other civilian, is left to do some screaming and running. Again, in any Japanese kaiju film (or even show for that matter) the main protagonist tends to get involved in the climax somehow. Instead, nothing. No character arc. No involvement in the defeat of the kaiju. Absolutely nothing.

I’d be lying, though, if I said I wasn’t happy to own this film. On one level I do, because this was a film that never made its way to the States. There’s something about the elusiveness of this movie (even though it’s a terrible one) that I like having as a part of my large kaiju film and show collection. It certainly won’t be viewed that often, that’s for sure.

War of the God Monsters is one that should not be viewed by an inexperienced kaiju fan. It would confirm some of the stereotypes that have been around for decades about the genre, it would certainly drive any inspiring fan away from it. Instead, it should be viewed by those who are more seasoned. Some may be able to appreciate some of the cheesiness of this particular film, but even then, I highly doubt most seasoned fans will be reaching for this one often, either. It’s a mess and bore of a film; that last part being the most damning accusation against the film. I can tolerate bad filmmaking as long as you can entertain me enough. This movie can’t even do that. I’d highly suggest everyone stays away from this movie. You’re missing nothing. You’re better off watching those higher quality Ultraman shows instead.